WILLIAM'S OZARK BIBLE INSTITUTE ADVENTURES NUMBER 4
Note: Ozark Bible Institute and Westboro Baptist Church share NO connections whatsoever. The part about them praising the church is simply a "joke". Part 4: The Mandatory Conference The time is 8:00 AM, as Cody's alarm clock rings at full-volume. Brian and William are startled, as they literally jump out of bed. William: "GET REK'D, CODY!" Cody: "Sorry! I forgot to change the settings on my iPhone." Brian: "Well never mind that. We have to get to the Music Conference in 20 minutes. Otherwise we'll all get 25 demerits." The three "troublemakers" get ready, remembering the tight dress code established at Ozark Bible Institute. 15 minutes later, they walk out of their dorm to the chapel. The same configuration as the opening service the night before is in place: one side with the women and the other with the men. A projector sits at the front of the room with the PowerPoint title: Acceptable vs. Unacceptable Music. Cody: "Lol, they probably ban all music except for boring choir rhythms!" William: "They probably even think most Christian music is 'ungodly'." The College President walks up the podium, onto the stage. College President: "Good morning students and guests! And welcome to the Music Conference! In this presentation, we will be discussing which types of music are appropriate on campus, and which types of music are inappropriate and therefore off-limits. I see we have some familiar faces from last night. However, their Residential Assistant has informed me that they will be on their best behavior for the next 30 minutes. Am I right? toward the three" The three nod. The President clicks a button on a small remote changing the PowerPoint slide. The next slide reads Music Inspired by the Devil Himself: Josh Groban and "Weird Al" Yankovic. College President: "The two most devil-like musicians are not from Slayer or Linkin Park, but rather two sodomites you wouldn't think of as 'devil-worshipping'. That's right folks, Josh Groban and Weird Al Yankovic will send you to the fiery pits of Hell for listening to even one of their songs!" The Whole Crowd (Except for William, Cody and Brian): "Amen, brother!" College President: "Yes, Hallelujah! Weird Al Yankovic is the worst sodomite of the two. For instance, he parodied off Janis Joplin, who has been rotting in Hell for the past 47 years. If only the WBC protested funerals back in 1970, am I right? Not only that, but he performed a solo in 1999 based off the perverted Don Mclean." The Whole Crowd (Except for William, Cody and Brian): "Amen, amen!" Brian: "But I have a whole album of Weird Al on my phone." Brian starts playing Party in the C.I.A. as the audience covers their ears in horror. Brian starts to dance with the tune, as Cody and William soon join. The College President manages to get ahold of Brian's iPhone. He throws it across the room, shattering the screen into pieces. The large-built man from last night steps on the phone, permanently disabling it. College President: "I'm, I'm beyond dumbfounded at you three! Purposely disrupting a required important meeting, how dare you! You know what? Get out of my sight, right now! Get out! Get out, you Communists!" The three are excited by his words, as they get to leave the meeting early. As they approach the door, the President stops them. College President: "And you'll be stopping by my office at Noon sharp! You hear me?" The three walk out slowly. At 12:01 PM, the three step into the President's office. An infuriated president attempts to lay down the law. College President: "Sit down, you three. Do you have any idea why you're all here? Oh forget it! It's because you three have once again embarrassed me in front of over three-hundred people during a meeting! Not only that, but you deliberately played a song inspired by the Devil. Well you three are not getting away with this lightly." William: "Really, what are you going to do?" Brian: "Yeah, like you can legally confine us to our room? We're in college for crying out loud! We'll just call the police and report you for holding us hostage!" College President: '''"Oh really? Well you won't need to call the cops, because not only are you three campused to your dorm room, but I'm confiscating your phones. Give me your phones, Cody and William! RIGHT...NOW!" Scared by his tone, Cody and William reluctantly hand over their phones. '''College President: "Thank you! You three each have received 50 extra demerits. Now get out of my sight!" The three head to the cafeteria for lunch, their first official meal at the Institute. At the cafeteria, they cut in front of the huge line, only to find soggy mashed potatoes and overdressed salisbury steak. To top it off, they are given seemingly-expired carrot slices as a side. Cody: "What the heck is this?!" Cafeteria Cashier: "It's our special for today! Do you like it?" William: "NO! This is the worst food we've ever seen!" Brian impulsively throws his plate at the cashier. William follows, throwing his plate at a student behind him. Cody grabs that student's plate and throws it across the room. The College President happens to walk into the cafeteria to grab a bite, but the thrown plate hits him square in the face. The three troublemakers stand in shock. Category:Fanfic Category:Ozark Bible Institute Category:Ozark Canon Category:Trip Disasters